sad sad sad.

When my husband raised his right hand in 2008 and took an oath into the military I knew one day our time would come when we would have to kiss each other goodbye for many months... well, our time has come.

We received notice that Kyle will leave sometime next month for a 6 to 7 month deployment. I know it happens everyday but when it happened to me it was like everything stopped moving in the world for a brief moment. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I felt cold and sick. I'm trying to remain optimistic but I keep hearing this little voice in my head that says "you're losing your best friend for over a half of a year" and then I feel really sad again. What also makes me sad is what the boys (especially Tyler) will think. Will they think he walked out of their life? Or will they understand when I say "Daddy is at work, far far away" every single morning when they wake up and he isn't here. So many things are running through my head.. choices, ideas, questions.. I am sure in time I will sort everything out but as of right now- chaos.

I am an exceptionally strong human being and I know with confidence that I will pull through this but at this very moment I feel incomplete and with the weight of the world on my shoulders. And I know there are thousands of other wives whose husband are working in more dangerous countries and jobs but I still just feel... sad. Sad sad sad.

I've learned in life that you realize who your good friends are when big events happen- babies, wedding, divorce (so I've heard).. but I have also learned to not set expectations for people because that usually leads to them letting you down, so we will see how this whole thing goes because as strong as I am, the fact is I am living in a different country, with little to no help, where everything you can imagine is different from what I am used to. If there has ever been a time when I needed people's support the most, this would be it.

One day at a time.. one day at a time..

-Amber Nicole.