it's a long one, folks.

Man, I've been trying to sit down and blog for over a week now, and even though we've slowed our scheduled down time still seems to just fly on by. Hey, no complaining here considering Monday was 2 months Kyle has been gone, which means 4 to go! 4 sounds like a long time but my mom will be here in 8 weeks (for 5 weeks) and after she leaves I will only have 3-5 weeks until the love of my life returns back to me. So I just have to make it 8 more weeks. I can do this! I can do this!

Hmm, where to start?

I'll back track to my statement of our schedule slowing down. Close to two weeks ago my friend had mentioned and then posted a blog about how she was going to slow down on playgroups and outings and focus on her children more and while every mother has these intentions it's harder for some of us than others. I grew up almost always doing something. School then gymnastics, dance, cheerleading, bowling, baseball, you name it. Then on the weekends my family and I would go boating, camping, go-kart racing, all that fun stuff. So being on the go all the time comes so natural to me. I am no homebody. But I suppose I never put too much thought into how it may be affecting the boys and their behaviors. They had been acting slightly out of control but I attributed that to Kyle being gone. I let my friends know that I wasn't going to be around *as* much and I must say.. it has been really really nice! I have always wanted to focus on balancing our schedule more but wasn't ready for the sacrifice of giving up "me" (as in "me and my friends hanging out while the kids play") time. I'm ready now and I am so glad. I have spent some hours lately just holding them, kissing their squishy cheeks and telling them how they mean everything in the world to me (and their daddy!). I look at them and wonder who I even was before they existed. [Speak of the devil- Dylan just walked over, raised his hands up and said "Mommy, up. Hug." and now resides in my lap as I finish this..] I know I can be hard on my boys but it's just because I expect them to grow up and be respectful, disciplined, caring and honest. Nothing less. Nothing more.

The job I had when I found out I was going to be a mother for the first time was a full-time live in nanny to twin 5 year olds Mohamed and Amira. Their family was from Egypt, they spoke arabic and we're muslim. Very long story short, let's just say I learned a LOT about how I was NOT going to raise my kids when the time came (which I didn't know at the time would be sooner than I thought). It was three months of my life that will haunt me for the rest of mine. ::shutters:: It has shaped me into who I have become today. I read a quote a while ago that said something along the lines of 'tough love or soft love it's still love' and while some moms take the very loving and gentle approach I on the other hand tend to be very hard on them. I never give in. Ever. The boys know though every night when I tuck them into bed how much they are loved for, despite the time-outs and spankings they may have received that day.

Speaking of discipline I have also been trying harder to be more patient with them and tap into my old preschool teacher self. When they have an altercation I try to explain to each person what is going on and the right thing to do. I have been working hard on getting them to use their words (and not hands) too. We are nowhere close to being where I hope to be one day but all in good time (and patience. Yes, lots and lots of patience) I suppose. :)

So I know I talk about it all the time and most of you are sick of it (sorry!) but as usual the question of whether or not to have another baby is stuck on my mind. I wish I could just let it go (especially since it's not even a possibility for another, what did i say, 4 months? :p) but not knowing is killing me! The day after Tyler was born I knew that shortly after his 1st birthday we would try for another and here we are again but with a 2 year old and have no idea what the future holds. So many things could happen or change depending on our decision. Start school, wait to start school, bigger 3 bedroom house, smaller 4 bedroom house.. but most of all the thing that weighs most to me is just financially what three kids will do to us. I feel like we're completely comfortable where we're at now and I'm not sure if I want it to change. I know that Kyle will only make more money as time goes on and eventually I will be adding to our income but at the same time things with the boys are going to start costing more too. Nicer clothes, more food, school expenses. ::sigh:: I don't know. I never wanted three kids but I just don't feel done and neither does Kyle. It may be that we want another for the wrong reasons though. I do want to feel baby kicks and experience a blissful childbirth again and Kyle still wants his little girl.. but nevertheless we do feel we have the capacity to love and add another body to our family. Most people just say "go for it if you want another" but I want to be smart about it. God please give us a sign..

Let's get on to the pictures. Here are some shots in random order from the past week or so..

Our organic collection is growing! :)

Tyler enjoying some yogurt and juice while coloring.

Catchin' some rays with Kirsten and Ezekiel.

Cheerios activity book!

They both loveeee yogurt!

Love this shot!

Silly boy.

I'm not supermom yet. I cheat and allow Tyler to play his learning games on the computer while I catch up on chores while Dylan naps. Here he is using Cheerios to help him solve simple math problems. "1,2,3,4,5,6 Cheerios plus 1,2,3,4 Cheerios equals 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.. 10 Cheerios mommy!!" :)

Organized our art cabinet finally!

Tyler amazes me every single day now. I was popping some popcorn and when I went to him he had written 'cat' on one piece of paper and 'PCP' on another and explained to me that it means Pop Corn Pops. Show off! :o

Breakfast for the boys is something I have been taking a lot of pride in. I always have but especially lately. Again, I grew up with my mom and dad always ensuring I had a good breakfast in me before school. I loved them for that and intend to do the same for the boys. Go brain power!

Arts and craft time.

Both loveeee books, too!

Relaxing in "daddy's chair".

Dylan finally surrendered and loves his new 'hard spout' cups! :)

Cheese and crackers! Yum!

Well, that's all folks! xoxo