Anxiety much?

Only a couple of days until I will attempt to Space-A out of here. I am able to call today to see what (if any) flights are leaving Monday..
I feel prepared, yet so completely unprepared at the same time. I'm having a hard time falling a sleep at night, and wake up in the morning with a new question I need to ask. The scariest part for me is the length of time I will have the kids, and with limited things to keep them entertained. They will be on a plane for 10+ hours, mostly confined to a car seat (depending) and then get into a car for another 6! Poor things :( Dylan doesn't particularly love his car seat either..
Just so you all get a picture of what we could be flying on, here it is..



That's a C-17. What Kyle flew on when he came back in March. Yeahhh... See the little black seats on the left side? That's what we would have to remain in obviously during take off and landing, but in between are allowed to let the kids roam around (depending on people and cargo) and sprawl out on the floor in sleeping bags. We could fly on more normal looking planes but I believe this is the most popular. We shall see.. I will keep you posted!

Thoughts & feeling about returning to the US.

Hey everyone!

So t-minus 8 or so days until I *hopefully* will be on US soil

and I think it's important to share some information, thoughts, anxities and

fears with you before we arrive..

Agenda:

The boys (Tyler & Dylan) & I will be Space-A'ing home. Space-A means

'space available' which means we board the plane when they have room

for us. This is a free flight. Because Kyle won't be with us (because

the Air Force wants him on a commerical flight) we will be a catagory

5 out of 6, so it could take us a day or two to get out. *fingers crossed

we get lucky!* We will fly from here to Charlotte, South Carolina

(10+ hour flight) and then someone will hopefully be waiting for us

there and drive us home (6 hours). With that being said, It might take

the boys and I a couple days to recover from jet lag, stress and anxiety,

and get back on some kind of schedule, so please don't take it personal

if you know we have been home for a day or two and you haven't seen us.

I haven't seen most of you in a loooong time and certainly

the first time I do I want to atleast be showered and looking somewhat

presentable, lol.

Kyle will mostly remain in Mississippi throughout the trip, to continue

more weather training. He will be able to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas through New Years though.

Who I was/who I am now:

The last time any of you have seen me (besides my mom) was one year

and seven months ago. I was six months pregnant and glowing. I was a mom to only

one child- a fairly well behaved twenty-two month old who wasn't able to communicate

yet. Fast forward to the present and I feel like I'm a totally different person.

I am busy, tired, stressed, feel overworked and underpaid.

I now have two very active children who keep me on my toes from 6am to

7pm, non-stop. They are active and rambunctious and full of life. I

have been very blessed at having small breaks from them since we have arrived

in Germany, but still find my patience for them dwindling downward, even

on my best days. I don't want to be perceived as a mean, uncaring mom during

this trip, so just know that I (as I hope is very obvious) love my little men more than

anything on this earth but have been their everything for a very long time,

and tend to lose it quickly when a situation arises.

Watching the boys:

Despite the picture I created in the above paragraph, the boys are actually

pretty good when they are seperated. Those of you who have offered

to take them off my hands, I would advise you to just take one of

them, rather then both of them. I don't want you to return stressed

and have a negative outlook on future gatherings. Trust me, the boys

are alot for me to handle, let alone someone who hasn't spent much time with them.

They both sleep through the night! And if you knew half of the people

I was friends with who have children, you would know how lucky I am

to have not only one but TWO kids who sleep completely through the

night (with the exception of Tyler waking up usually once to take a wee wee)!

With the above being said, let me add this:

I most likely won't ask you for help, but just know that I would love

a break from my kids! I would looove for someone to say "You look

like you could use a nap. Let me watch them for an hour". And just

keep in mind that no matter how the boys act, you won't see them again

for another year most likely!

Money situation:

With Kyle being seperated for us we should be getting addition pay but we

are still unsure how this is going to play out, seeing as how he will be

in one state supporting his needs, and I will be in another state doing

the same. We already live pretty tight and he might have to

activate his cell phone, which would only make things tighter.

A fear I have is not being able to provide gifts for everyone when Christmas

rolls around. In the years prior to the military the only reason we were

able to provide gifts for everyone was credit cards and now we're paying

for it. :/ I obviouslly don't expect a single gift from anyone. The best gift

to me, besides the gift that is allowing me to spend the holidays with

you all, is taking the boys for a couple of hours so I can go for a run, or

a quiet walk on the beach.. (:

I think that's about it. I feel better already!

I just want this to be a wonderful trip where Tyler & Dylan spend

countless hours giving and receiving hugs and kisses from their family

and friends! If along the way we become a burden in any way, shape or

form, please be open and honest about it. I know having people visit or live

in your house, interrupting your lifestyle, can be challenging and I don't

think holding back feelings will be healthy.

Can't wait to see you all!

Attitude.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

I absolutely love that quote. Something very similiar used to hang on my refridgerator during my high school years and I think I am going to print this one out and hang it on my refridgerator to help me through these mommy years..

So it's no secret that being a military spouse and living a country away from family is anything but easy. I think I have done exceptionally well but it is still very hard at times and I think it plays a huge role in my attitude and the way I view my life. In the past week I have had a real eye opener: I am a very lucky mom! Yes, I may have some very active boys but that's who they are and I should never look down upon that. If I recall correctly I was an extrememly active little one myself (Shea, you can second that). My boys are happy and healthy! They each sleep 11-12 straight through the night (with the exception of Tyler waking up usually once to wee-wee) and Dylan still takes 1 or 2 naps a day (3-4 hours total). Sure, Tyler wakes up before the roosters but there is nothing I can do about that so I need to accept it.

I love my children and I love my life. The end.