snuggles Sunday.

So as you probably already know my biggest boy got himself a broken arm from what I gather was an attempt to be superman.. from the couch. :/ Needless to say we had a very lazy day in the Meade house today.

After finally getting the boys asleep at 12:30 this morning I was hoping I would open my eyes and see at least an 11 on the clock. Wrong. 8:20. I didn't get to bed until after 2 because, as usual, AFN chose to conveniently play a movie I've never seen before. ::yawn:: I am paying for it today.

Poor Tyler I could tell it took everything in his little body to not get up and run around like he is used to. Each time he would try I would give him the look and he would resume position. Sorry little guy, mama is just trying to take care of you :(

They put a splint on it and wrapped it up real good until he gets his cast on this week.

Resting..

...aaaaaaand more resting.

Dylan was okay most of the day. He entertained himself for quite some time by building a mountain out of every toy in the living room. :p

mama's baby boy.

Okay, technically Tyler is not my baby boy anymore but at one point in time he was my one and only. Now I sit here browsing online for a cute backpack for him use for preschool and it absolutely blows my mind!

I believe boys share a very special bond with their mommy (and girls with their daddy) and I have felt that very strong bond and connection to him from the moment his naked butt was laid on my chest. It's interesting too because for Tyler's first year of life I worked a job where I sometimes wouldn't come home until 6:30ish. I would feed him, bath him and then put him to bed. Even with such little time that little boy was allllll mine (even if he looked exactly like daddy :p)!

I don't know about anyone else but I share a special bond with him because he was my first baby. He changed me from just a regular person to a mommy. Setting my eyes on him for the first time was the craziest thing ever. It was a love I'd never felt before. I remember being scared and nervous, watching his every movement when we brought him home for the first time. I spent the next 4 weeks just lounging around our lil ol' apartment with him. I had not a single thing to do but gaze at my beautiful little boy Kyle and I had created..

Bringing home our second child, for me, was a little different. I had a 25 month old that I had to keep my eye on.. I couldn't just sleep with Dylan whenever I pleased. I still had to make sure meals and naps were taken care of. It was just different. I see couples with their first baby and I begin to get super nostalgic and can remember exactly how I felt, sounds Tyler made, how he smelled.. I guess it works out perfectly how it is now because I have a special bond with Dylan in the sense that (1) I had a totally difference birth experience with him and (2) he is my "baby".

Anyway, let's take a look at Ty's first year...

Birth

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

12 months! Happy Birthday!

... three years later and not much has changed. He still comes to me often and just wants to sit in my lap, hug on mama, and tell me he loves me. Melts my heart! I love my biggest baby boy.. :)

it's a long one, folks.

Man, I've been trying to sit down and blog for over a week now, and even though we've slowed our scheduled down time still seems to just fly on by. Hey, no complaining here considering Monday was 2 months Kyle has been gone, which means 4 to go! 4 sounds like a long time but my mom will be here in 8 weeks (for 5 weeks) and after she leaves I will only have 3-5 weeks until the love of my life returns back to me. So I just have to make it 8 more weeks. I can do this! I can do this!

Hmm, where to start?

I'll back track to my statement of our schedule slowing down. Close to two weeks ago my friend had mentioned and then posted a blog about how she was going to slow down on playgroups and outings and focus on her children more and while every mother has these intentions it's harder for some of us than others. I grew up almost always doing something. School then gymnastics, dance, cheerleading, bowling, baseball, you name it. Then on the weekends my family and I would go boating, camping, go-kart racing, all that fun stuff. So being on the go all the time comes so natural to me. I am no homebody. But I suppose I never put too much thought into how it may be affecting the boys and their behaviors. They had been acting slightly out of control but I attributed that to Kyle being gone. I let my friends know that I wasn't going to be around *as* much and I must say.. it has been really really nice! I have always wanted to focus on balancing our schedule more but wasn't ready for the sacrifice of giving up "me" (as in "me and my friends hanging out while the kids play") time. I'm ready now and I am so glad. I have spent some hours lately just holding them, kissing their squishy cheeks and telling them how they mean everything in the world to me (and their daddy!). I look at them and wonder who I even was before they existed. [Speak of the devil- Dylan just walked over, raised his hands up and said "Mommy, up. Hug." and now resides in my lap as I finish this..] I know I can be hard on my boys but it's just because I expect them to grow up and be respectful, disciplined, caring and honest. Nothing less. Nothing more.

The job I had when I found out I was going to be a mother for the first time was a full-time live in nanny to twin 5 year olds Mohamed and Amira. Their family was from Egypt, they spoke arabic and we're muslim. Very long story short, let's just say I learned a LOT about how I was NOT going to raise my kids when the time came (which I didn't know at the time would be sooner than I thought). It was three months of my life that will haunt me for the rest of mine. ::shutters:: It has shaped me into who I have become today. I read a quote a while ago that said something along the lines of 'tough love or soft love it's still love' and while some moms take the very loving and gentle approach I on the other hand tend to be very hard on them. I never give in. Ever. The boys know though every night when I tuck them into bed how much they are loved for, despite the time-outs and spankings they may have received that day.

Speaking of discipline I have also been trying harder to be more patient with them and tap into my old preschool teacher self. When they have an altercation I try to explain to each person what is going on and the right thing to do. I have been working hard on getting them to use their words (and not hands) too. We are nowhere close to being where I hope to be one day but all in good time (and patience. Yes, lots and lots of patience) I suppose. :)

So I know I talk about it all the time and most of you are sick of it (sorry!) but as usual the question of whether or not to have another baby is stuck on my mind. I wish I could just let it go (especially since it's not even a possibility for another, what did i say, 4 months? :p) but not knowing is killing me! The day after Tyler was born I knew that shortly after his 1st birthday we would try for another and here we are again but with a 2 year old and have no idea what the future holds. So many things could happen or change depending on our decision. Start school, wait to start school, bigger 3 bedroom house, smaller 4 bedroom house.. but most of all the thing that weighs most to me is just financially what three kids will do to us. I feel like we're completely comfortable where we're at now and I'm not sure if I want it to change. I know that Kyle will only make more money as time goes on and eventually I will be adding to our income but at the same time things with the boys are going to start costing more too. Nicer clothes, more food, school expenses. ::sigh:: I don't know. I never wanted three kids but I just don't feel done and neither does Kyle. It may be that we want another for the wrong reasons though. I do want to feel baby kicks and experience a blissful childbirth again and Kyle still wants his little girl.. but nevertheless we do feel we have the capacity to love and add another body to our family. Most people just say "go for it if you want another" but I want to be smart about it. God please give us a sign..

Let's get on to the pictures. Here are some shots in random order from the past week or so..

Our organic collection is growing! :)

Tyler enjoying some yogurt and juice while coloring.

Catchin' some rays with Kirsten and Ezekiel.

Cheerios activity book!

They both loveeee yogurt!

Love this shot!

Silly boy.

I'm not supermom yet. I cheat and allow Tyler to play his learning games on the computer while I catch up on chores while Dylan naps. Here he is using Cheerios to help him solve simple math problems. "1,2,3,4,5,6 Cheerios plus 1,2,3,4 Cheerios equals 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.. 10 Cheerios mommy!!" :)

Organized our art cabinet finally!

Tyler amazes me every single day now. I was popping some popcorn and when I went to him he had written 'cat' on one piece of paper and 'PCP' on another and explained to me that it means Pop Corn Pops. Show off! :o

Breakfast for the boys is something I have been taking a lot of pride in. I always have but especially lately. Again, I grew up with my mom and dad always ensuring I had a good breakfast in me before school. I loved them for that and intend to do the same for the boys. Go brain power!

Arts and craft time.

Both loveeee books, too!

Relaxing in "daddy's chair".

Dylan finally surrendered and loves his new 'hard spout' cups! :)

Cheese and crackers! Yum!

Well, that's all folks! xoxo

lil ol' me.

Tonight while I was jammin' to some tunes on the elliptical I glanced up at the television and caught CNN covering the drought and famine crisis in East Africa. They showed woman and their babies laying around- the babies being fed through tubes. I wanted to vomit. I suddenly felt overly guilty about all the food I've wasted in my life, devastated that while life goes on so easily in some places, it most certainly doesn't in others, and anxious to help. I know that there is a number that I can probably call to donate money but as much as that is needed I don't think it would satisfy me. The reality is that I am just one tiny spec on this planet and I can't change the world by myself. I suppose that is why I became a doula- to help individuals achieve a satisfying birth. I have this feeling a lot. I see something on the news and I want to grab my picket signs, march out the front door and change the world. Maybe one day when the boys are older I can actively do things to make small changes but until then I will just pray continuously for those less fortunate and count my blessings for all that I have.

taking the training wheels off

Haven't tracked my food in a couple days. At first I felt really nervous but I'm trying to just go through the motions of what I was doing before. I will get on the scale in two weeks and see what it says. If it's the same as the last reading that's good in the sense that I know how to maintain my weight but if it's gone down that's even better. We'll see.

Out with the old, in with the green.

ta-da.

Going green, take 10.

So just recently a friend gave me sent me a link to an awesome website that is dedicated to being green. This is something I have spent numerous hours thinking about and although I have made more efforts than most people know, I am still dissatisfied with the lack of effort I am putting into it. The website emphasized baby steps throughout it and that's exactly what I intend on doing. First step? Green cleaners. After thoroughly reading this section I have broken it down for anyone else that may be interested in changing their ways. Here goes-

Mirror/glass- vinegar & water

Bathtub/shower- baking soda

Toilets- straight vinegar or baking soda & lemon juice

Counters- 1/2 water and 1/2 hydrogen peroxide or baking soda with a little water

Oven top- baking soda

Furniture polish- olive oil & lemon juice

Floors- vinegar & water.

Shrinkin' mama.

I haven't taken pictures of the scale the whole time but you can see the numbers going down...

I started this journey at 151 and this morning when I stepped on the scale I saw a number I haven't seen since before we conceived our second child- 140. 11 pounds down, 10 to go!

The above picture (the starting one) is beyond repulsive but I post it in hopes of helping others who wish to make a change in their life. You can do it. I am! I was so bloated from the junk I was consuming and then over-eating due to skipping meals but now I actually feel confident, despite my still obvious flaws. Thank you everyone for the motivation and the often "You look great!". It's keeping me going.. :)

three years ago.

In June 2008 my husband raised his right hand and said,

"I, Kiely Michael Patrick Meade, so solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God"

I hugged and kissed him goodbye and wished him good luck in basic training.

He graduated and become Airman Meade.

Everything was an adventure from then on. We found out that because his tech school was so lengthy that the Air Force was paying for Tyler and I to move to Biloxi to be with him during that time. I couldn't have been more excited! We found a cute little two bedroom apartment on the beach and moved into our first 'Air force home.'

(First night)

After 7 months he was 1 of only 3 to finish school without being washed back.

Very proud moment!

Then we moved to Germany where I sit now writing this.

Today, August 1st 2011, my husband is raising his right hand again and

swearing to serve and honor our country for another 5 years. Although

it brings sadness to my heart to not be there with him, I am also

overwhelmed with joy. I am so happy with how things have turned out

in our life- most of it not possible without the military. Sure, we've had

our share of bumps along the way but who doesn't? I know some people

never wish to live the life I do- constantly moving, living in foreign

countries, far from family- but I wouldn't change a thing and feel

forever grateful for everything. When my husband puts on his

uniform I look at the big picture and always just feel proud.

So very proud. Thank you Kyle for making me a proud wife.

I love you.